URgh...

Decision Decision!!!!! Urgh... Hollie and I agreed to pull Mikaela out of preschool program due to several reasons... I handed in the letter saying - M's last day etc... Assist. Director came to me and asked me why am I pulling her out. I explained to her - she said she will talk with director to see if she can make arrangement to have M stay in preschool. They said it IS very benefitical to M. I said - If the price is much lower - then I can reconsider to let her stay. I told the assist. director that M was telling me that she has two same teachers as last year, she was informed that she will be in different classroom with different teachers. She was a little confused and asked me - next year - am I going in (point to other classroom) there? I said - no you're going to kindergarten in PO (where we live). She said - teachers said last spring - go that class then go PO. I knew she would remember! Urgh... I really like the program but I've seen the same thing that she was doing last year. I want something different - They had explained that they are using open court for reading. I thought it was wonderful because M had asked me to help her to read. Maybe I'm speaking too early... I want her to have fun and learn a few thing (not educational program). The price - ouch!!! almost 300 dollars a month!! It eats my pocket!
We talked with M about it. She - so sweet - she said its ok... we will find something else like going library to listen story telling and she asked if she could take skating lesson.

Inside of me - I felt so bad! I know she loves that school. If they had put in her differnt classroom with different teachers - will I pull her out? Decision Making.. Urgh... I just want what's best for my precious M. I checked other preschool - OMG! Unorganized and yuck... One church - my friend suggested me to check - they have preschool program - have to be member of that church. URgh.... we are children of GOD - means anyone! From there I know it's not right for M. Urgh...

I feel like my heart was tearing apart. H said M is ok with it - dont push yourself down. Its so hard! I know in my heart - M loves that school. Why does it has to be this way? Anyway - quit whining!

seem that I made the decision - always goes wrong way or hard way. For example - teaching college course this spring semester. now look for babysitter or daycare for our kids (COST money!) means - work - earn money :o) then pay day care :o(

means not worth for me to teach college course?? I just want to experience but plms do come! URGH.... WHY? WHY? WHY? My family and H's family live so FAR!!!! WHY? For sure my sister or my mom's friend watch our kids.
I just asked my friend if she could babysit both kids every tues and thurs. She said - sure. (crossed finger) but reliable? That one I'm neverous abt. We will wait and see how things go from there.

I might re-thinking and tell them that I can't teaching next semester. It will break their heart. I just dont know what to do. What worse is that - I'm on woman's day! Probably the main reason why I'm acting like this.

Sorry... URgh..